10 Things that piss me off

My rant about 10 things that piss me off

    First off, has anyone noticed that national lampoon hasn’t put out a good movie since Tara Reid was hot? Van Wilder, back in 2002. Almost a decade here guys so get your shit together.

    Number two, Yankee fans. Now don’t get me wrong, I’m a born and bred die hard NY fan, from the Donnie Baseball days. But listening to fans after this past post season of 2010 was embarrassing. Guys, we made it to the fucking American League Championship. Sorry we didn’t repeat, get over it. 

    Pointless comedies with rants. Movies such as ‘Knocked Up’ and ‘Superbad’. And new Vince Vaughn flicks. It’s all 2 pointless hours of rambling and stuttering. Did they steal the dialogue from a Porky Pig short cartoon from the 40’s? The same thing translates to the TV show like The Office and Eastbound And Down.  If you want to say that I can’t write better stuff that that, I believe I already have and I’m only on my 3rd topic.

    Number four, Westchester, NY women between the ages of 20-30. Hey I don’t drive a Mercedes or a BMW. Still want to talk to me? Did I mention I’m also extremely short?

    The Jersey shore. Italians are about family, loyalty and good cooking. Pasta dinners on Sundays. Not steroids, waxed bodies and probably a shrunken nutsack or two from all the sauce.

    Halfway done and I am sweating like Ron Jeremy. I mean like Ron Jeremy in the 80’s when he was in shape.

    This may be a sub-topic of #4. Image. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve been told, yes told, not asked, to shave or put on a shirt with a collar. So my face is unshaved and my shirt has a few wrinkles. Big deal. Since when did we start judging people from what they look like on the outside as opposed to who they are on the inside? I recently saw our president give a speech. Yes he was wearing a dress shirt, but no blazer, the shirt was unbuttoned about 3 buttons down and his sleeves were rolled up. Now that is my America. If you want to call me unprofessional, then my friend, you are bad mouthing the very country you live in, and the example our president has set.

    Michael Jackson haters. Every time I say how great of an entertainer he was, the first response I get is somewhere along the lines of, “He’s a kid toucher.” Wow, changing the subject a little? Are you covering up for something? The guy was hands down the greatest performer ever. You can’t argue that.

    People who act like the world is coming to an end for no apparent reason. Has anyone ever been to a restaurant and seen a person (usually a woman) get extremely pissed off because her meal is cold? Or it’s taking too long for the extra blue cheese to get to her table. Maybe a fat chick pissed off in the line at the grocery store because she hasn’t had her daily fill of bon-bons and Oprah. Lets all show a little more patience people. Take a look at one of those infomercials with people dying of hunger/thirst in 3rd world countries, then look at yourself in the mirror an be thankful for what you have…. You fat bitch. I wish I could say that behind your back but my car only has half a tank of gas.

    Magic number nine on my list… Chinamen behind the wheel of a car. I traveled out to southern California and expected a huge change in lifestyle. I was right except for the driving. Sorry folks, but no-matter where you go in this country there will always be that guy with his blinker light on, sitting in the same lane.

    Last but not least, you jerk-offs who love to bash Schwarzenegger and Stallone. 10-20+ years ago we were all blown away by Rambo, Rocky, Terminator, True Lies, and just about anything else these guys put out there. Does anyone remember the build up to the first time you actually saw what the predator looked like? Nowadays anyone mentions these guys and its, “Oh these movies are so over the top.” Or something along those lines. It’s a movie guys. They’re supposed to be fake and imaginative…. Which doesn’t contradict the opinions I made of movies I mentioned in earlier, as they just simply pissed me off.

Undisputedly yours,
Dr. Horsecock Hammerswinger Feelgood, PhD

#11 honorable mention - Hollywood Hulk Hogan. Just playin’, I love that guy!