Saturday, April 16, 2011

Press Conference Transcript from Cleveland

Reporter:
Mr. Helmet, first question, what party are you representing?

Helmet:
The Spaceball party.

Reporter:
What made you choose The Burger King as your running mate? I mean, won't Colonel Sandurz be a little upset?

Helmet:
Sandurz still fights for evil things like stealing air from Druidia. I have changed my ways and want to bring peace. When I was looking for a running mate I ran into the King one night at rally to bring back the Fresh Prince handshake. The rest of the story writes itself and here we are.

Reporter:
The Burger King doesn't speak much. Won't that affect your campaign?

Helmet:
The last guy who lost talked too much. We learn from others mistakes.


Reporter:
What would your first order of business be if you were to be elected?

Helmet:
Put Pete Rose in the Baseball Hall of Fame. He totally deserves it.

Reporter:
We've heard your old slogan, "Evil will always triumph....." right before you attempted to shoot Lone Starr in the balls. You say you've changed. What is your campaign slogan going to be?

Helmet:
America, fuck yeah!

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